Why don’t I have friends?

You asked Google for it
We will answer you

Too many expectations. True friends are at most two. Rather we should ask ourselves what we expect of them (and commit to cultivating them)

If you have typed this question on Google there is the possibility that your name is Calimero, you have fallen into soot and you have all become black, so that not even your mother recognizes you anymore. In this case the solution is simple: just take a bath with «Ava», and you will go back to being white, neat and happy. And with many friends.
It is also probable that you are among those who have watched the entire series of Friends twice and you do not understand that beautiful girls or funny young men do not live on your landing with whom to share dinners or aperitifs.
All is not lost: sometimes the simplest thing is the least thought of. Maybe just ring the doorbell of the opposite room to be surprised. Of course, if a deaf eighty-five year old opens it up, a little disappointment is understandable. But maybe not: the old man may have nice and cute grandchildren who will introduce you to the first coffee.

What number makes us feel satisfied

If you don’t recognize yourself in either, it is important that you answer a few questions. What do you expect from a friend? Who do you consider as such? And what is the number that can make you feel satisfied? One? Three? Five? Fifty? Beyond that figure, you have to settle for Facebook. But it is preferable not to rely too much on a virtual community where the main activity is to like a photo or a post: it is quite another matter to be able to pick up the phone at two in the morning to share a problem.

How many are true friends

True friends, according to evolutionary psychologist Robin I.M. Dunbar, there are two at most: the partner and one’s best friend, with whom there is an intimate and daily relationship. At a second level there can be a maximum of four other people, and they are those with whom affinity, interests and affection are shared, and the interactions in this case are weekly. At the third level there are the others: occasional friends or acquaintances; maybe you went on a trip together, you stayed in touch and you go out every two months for an aperitif. But, going back to the famous night emergency, would you really call one of them? No, and rightly so.

The weight of expectations (reciprocated in half of the cases)

Sometimes we have too high expectations. And we demand reciprocity from those who are not willing to grant it to us. The Mit, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, published a study this summer entitled “Are you really a friend to your friends?” The researchers led by Alex Pentland analyzed the friendship between 84 people aged between 23 and 38 asking to classify them on a scale from “I don’t know him” to “he is one of my best friends”. Feelings were mutual only in 53% of cases, where expectations reached 94%. Other ten-year studies of 92,000 people have shown that reciprocity varies from 34 to 53 percent of respondents. That is, only in half of the cases is there real correspondence.

Leave the house (before complaining)

It’s nice? It’s ugly? Does it make you sad? It is so and we must accept it. Of course, you still have to put some effort into it. If you stay indoors, it will be very difficult to widen the circle of friends. But you are always in time to put your nose out the door and see what happens.

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