“I’m just tired”
When they ask you what’s wrong, you say so.
I’m tired, you say.
As if I hadn’t slept enough the night before. If only I could sleep a couple of hours more tonight, or rest on the weekend, Monday will be better.
But after all, behind all those fake smiles and the jokes you play to lighten the climate, you know it’s not like that.
You will also be tired, of course, but you know that the remedy is not sleep.
Because you are tired of life. You are tired of people who treat you as if you count for nothing. Tired of the feeling of not having a future. Tired of getting lost in your head, of drowning in the thoughts and doubts that haunt every second of your days, while you struggle to stay afloat, not to let yourself be dragged down by the waves.
The same waves that threaten to ruin the mask you prepare carefully every day, to look like a person and not the empty shell of what you once were.
Don’t they see that you’re tired of this staging? How can they not realize that your porcelain smile is chipping more and more every day, that your armor is all dented, that your makeup is running, and that the rivers inside your eyes are breaking the banks built with the utmost attention , so as not to overwhelm those around you.
So when they ask you, “Are you okay?”, You just say, “I’m tired.” Because you believe it is the only way to reassure others while you destroy yourself inside, the only way to protect them from the disaster you are. You think you have to lie, so those you love won’t ask too many questions.
Yet you are tired, so tired.
And that’s okay. If there is one thing I have learned, it is okay to feel tired sometimes. “Normal”, even. And you don’t always have a reason. Because, sometimes, even just keeping everything under control is exhausting.
When you feel like this, it is important to know that you are not alone. You are not the only one to feel this way. Indeed, I think it would be a surprise to many to find out how many people around them experience the same things. For me it was. I started talking to people who often answered me with a “I’m tired” and found that he felt just like me.
And do you know what’s the funny thing? After learning that others also feel certain things, I began to become aware of them. Now it’s as if we all share a secret code – when we say “tired”, we actually mean “I’m not well”. And then we talk about it, maybe crying, maybe laughing. And we feel better.
So, to those who believe that being tired is simply the way we have to resign ourselves to living today, I say this: you are all members of a club, and yes, the test to access it is terrible. But there is the advantage of having hundreds of allies fighting the same battle. Know the password. Communicate with them. Talk to them. Accept their help. And maybe, tomorrow, you won’t feel so tired anymore.