How many times have we planned important projects, carefree travels or even just waited for a change to arrive in order to achieve nothing? What happens when our expectations are disappointed?
What is an expectation? It does not qualify for its importance or for the object that constitutes its fulcrum: when an expectation is created, an individual mentally anticipates a future scenario in a positive light. The expectation of something beautiful charges the expectation itself. of an emotional charge that increases as your goal approaches. Events do not always smile at us and the imagined scenario does not necessarily turn into reality, then disappointment arrives. What happens then? How to react when our expectations are disappointed?
Where expectations arise
The starting point of our reflection is the birth of expectations and their characteristics, obviously depending on what we imagine we can be more or less exposed to disappointments. According to the theory of Kelly, a psychologist who has deepened the personality from a cognitivist point of view, it is precisely these processes that make up an individual’s vision of life, creating a sort of reading grid. One of his fundamental postulates he quotes: “The processes of a person are psychologically channeled by the ways he anticipates events. ” This means that our actions are dictated by the expectations we create for ourselves on the basis of our notions, and that there are individuals with high expectations and others with low expectations. , especially when it is not a distant dream, but a reality closer to us. In dealing with these moments it is essential to understand what went wrong in order not to be invalidated by failure.
When things don’t go
The disappointed expectations can give rise to different consequences, first of all for the evaluation that we give to what happened: we are all the more embittered the more the expectation was important for us and depending on the time spent waiting, just as the foreshadowing of the expected event is seasoned. emotionally, this charge increases over time and has a negative fallout of equal intensity when things go wrong. And it is precisely this emotional charge that can prevent us from lucidly reworking what went wrong. To avoid disappointing our expectations then we need to start on the right foot.
The “right” expectations
Reflecting on expectations, that is, on what may happen in our future, is the first step to avoid disappointment. A good rule of thumb is to adopt the right amount of skepticism with respect to short and totally satisfying results. The best way to understand what a possible middle ground is is to understand what disappointed us last time. A disappointed expectation that is not understood remains a taboo and a source of further shame, on the contrary it is necessary to understand what has done us the most harm:> We have miscalculated the times;
- We bet too much or too little on our skills;
- We have not grasped the resources of the context, etc.