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The lies: enemies of self-esteem

There are many ways of lying and numerous justifications that we find for using lies. There are almost as many as there are people. They are useful, very useful. Sometimes lies remove us from problems, divert attention and free our mind. They are a way of dealing with a situation we don’t know how to get out of.

However, it is a medium that we could call “short term”. The fact of freeing ourselves from a situation or not wanting to give the explanations pertinent to it, in the long run, becomes a trap that goes to the center of our self-esteem. Lies also have consequences, both in relationships with others, as in relationships with ourselves.

“A lie would make no sense if reality weren’t perceived as dangerous.”

-Alfred Adler-

Why lie?

  • Self-need or self-deception
  • Apparently fulfill the expectations of others
  • Deforming reality to adapt it to what suits us or what we should feel to others
  • Avoid punishment or shame
  • To appear
  • Get admiration
  • Don’t worry about our family
  • Cover a friend who asks us for a favor
  • Call attention

All these reasons have one thing in common: fear. Whether it’s about others, about the situation or about admitting the truth to ourselves, fear is related to lies.

Why don’t you lie?
We have made it clear that lies are a tool that can remove us from uncomfortable situations, but that do not provide solutions to problems. Lies alleviate and free us from anxiety are in the moment, but not in the long term.

However, even if we know the consequences, we continue to lie. For example, when a man wants to transmit an image of control or power, he remains imprisoned and clinging to a concrete style of communication and relationship.

This, in most cases, will lead to different consequences within the spectrum of personal sensations and thoughts, from the deepest to the most frivolous examination of conscience. Here are some consequences:

  • Guilt feelings
  • Social responsibility
  • Anxiety
  • Escape from people or situations
  • Consider the time spent lying as “lost time”.

Unless the requirements of diplomatic, strategic, amusing lie, or in the chaos in which no one is harmed, are fulfilled, the truth is that lies consume those who tell them.

Many personal resources are used to conceal, hide and manage situations or events, or to conceal them. For people who do it, and who feel guilty, it is not easy and it is not easy to get out of such a situation.

“Omit, don’t lie”

“Omit, non lie”, “Filter and select information” … Those who hide behind these famous phrases, it is good that they know that there are two main ways of lying:

  • Conceal: on various occasions, we try to silence our conscience by telling ourselves that we are omitting information and that this is not the same as inventing a story. True, it is not the same, but in the eyes of lie psychology it belongs to the same concept of deception.
  • Inventing or falsifying: in this case, the information transmitted is modified; it is invented or deformed, in a deliberate way. This type of deception is what grows and continues to grow the moment a person feels threatened, and must continue to feed that lie. However, this requires more effort for those who put it into practice. He needs good memory, mental agility and dialectical resources.

“Those who tell a lie do not know what task they are taking on, because they will be forced to invent twenty more, to support the truthfulness of the first. “

-Alexander Pope-

Risks of lies

As we said earlier, lies are a missile at the center of self-esteem. Lies presuppose a weight that directs people towards the path of anguish. What was initially easy and fortifying, because it made us obtain beneficial results, is ultimately difficult to handle and manage, not only with others, but also with ourselves.

The reality is distorted and the people who lie end up getting lost in that false identity that was being built, made up of deceptions and falsehoods. The worst thing about this situation is that it stops enhancing the beneficial virtues for those castles in the air built on quicksand.

“The punishment of liars is not being believed, even when they tell the truth.”


When lies become pathological, psychologists define this condition as “fantastic pseudology”. There are some renowned cases, such as that of the famous Tania Head, who presented himself to the world as a victim of the September 11 attacks, going so far as to become the president of the World Trade Center survivor network …

We have all lied on some occasions, out of personal need, out of pity, out of emotion and risk, out of friendship … Lies are a resource. However, there are limits that mark the convenience or otherwise of using them, and it will depend on the answers we will find to the following questions: am I okay if I lie? Am I hurting others? It depends on each of you where he wants or can go.

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