Is perfectionism a way of being or an imposition? On the outside it looks like everything is simple and beautiful, but it can hide low self-esteem
The term perfectionism (not to be confused with the idea of a “perfect” person) refers to a pathological behavior that pushes a subject to chase the chimera of perfection. in their heads, who judge the behavior of others as better than their own and harshly criticize themselves. Although from the outside it is possible not to notice these efforts and they seem to us to be accomplished and capable people, this pursuit to perfection hides a low self-esteem. goes with:
- unattainable goals
- harsh criticism of one’s behavior
- polarized thinking (right / wrong; all / nothing)
- doubts about their abilities
- fear of criticism
Who is the perfectionist?
Many people want to reach certain standards, do a good job, but there is healthy and pathological perfectionism. According to psychiatrist David Burns it is possible to delineate the characteristics of these two attitudes and behaviors, also because the underlying thoughts and emotions can be very different and cause deeper problems.The pathological perfectionist has a constant fear of failure or of being unsuitable for the eyes. of the others; each result is devalued and the error is considered irreparable. The perfectionist is convinced that he must control everything and that looking good is the only way to be accepted by others.A search for healthy perfectionism that we could consider a way to improvement is instead characterized by: enthusiasm and desire to do, tolerance for own mistakes and appreciation of one’s efforts, no fear of vulnerability.
Perfection and self-esteem
The assiduous and impossible search for perfection is accompanied by low self-esteem. The pathological perfectionist is in fact the worst enemy of himself, the one who will prevent at all costs the achievement of satisfaction because he has such a poor view of himself that it prevents him from appreciating any effort. individual to show to the outside certain security and strength that he does not possess as a defense against the outside. This “lie” leads the subject to envy those who live more simply and seem not to have to take refuge from the opinion of others. irreparable. Cultivating good self-esteem also means that what we do is always a good result.