Making the right decisions is essential to give direction and meaning to your life. Sometimes it can be very difficult to make the right choice and you are easily attacked by a thousand doubts that hinder the decision process. Very often, in fact, internal conflicts and judgments that come from the outside prevent us from clearly seeing the path to follow.
The life of the human being is characterized by the possibility of choosing: from the moment we get up, we make choices, for example by deciding whether to have breakfast or not, what to wear to go to work, etc.
Every moment is the result of a decision and each of us is the result of the decisions taken over time.
If on the one hand modern society has spread the idea that man is the architect of his own future and determines his own existence with his choices, on the other hand, choosing is not at all easy, since every choice, regardless of scope, implies an assumption of responsibility for the consequences. This is why many people feel blocked by the fear of making a decision, precisely because of the possible consequences that may arise.
Is there any way to learn to choose? The answer is yes. Learning to choose can be seen as a real workout, where the best gym is life itself, which every day puts us in front of situations for which it is necessary to make a decision.
For those who want to take control of their life, it is advisable to start with small choices, and then gradually get to make more important decisions.
Why is it so difficult to choose
Here are the main reasons why many people hold back from making choices:
- Having too many alternatives. When you have various options to choose from, your mind gets confused, due to an excess of information and the lack of clear criteria on which to evaluate each option.
- Perfectionism. Many times we are too demanding with ourselves and we are forced to always make the best choice, always fearing to make mistakes. In this way we end up avoiding making decisions, this in order not to make mistakes and for the fear of not being up to par.
- Excess of rationalism. If you base your choices exclusively on rational reasoning, you stifle emotions and instinct, which are an integral part of our being. In this way we lose valuable information about ourselves and the world around us. Choosing something that is not in line with one’s feelings and one’s instinctive and emotional sphere, leads only to negative consequences, such as giving up, over time, to follow this choice, prisoners of situations that we do not really want.
- Excess of emotionality. While basing one’s choices exclusively on rational calculations is limiting, in the same way it could be counterproductive to rely only on one’s emotions, which by nature are changeable.
- Giving too much weight to the consequences. Each choice undeniably has an effect on our life. While it is true that no choice should ever be taken lightly, it is also true that we must not give too much weight to the impact of a single choice on our life. The choices made are seldom irreversible. As difficult as it may be, there is always the possibility to stop, change direction or take a new one.
Not choosing is also a choice
Many tend to underestimate the fact that not making a choice is also a choice. Those who choose not to take responsibility are still deciding, allowing others to decide for their person, consequently everything that will ensue will still be the result of their uncertainties. Overcoming uncertainties is the only way to truly decide.
Often the situations that require drastic choices are those that make you suffer the most, as they involve changing habits and leaving your comfort zone. But even not deciding can lead to suffering, as it makes you feel empty and extinguishes all enthusiasm.
Making choices is all you can do to feel alive and in control of your own destiny, the way to overcome the mental laziness that often binds us in relating to things and people.
And even when you are afraid of making the wrong choice, it is still preferable to choose. It is still an acquired experience and certainly useful for facing future choices.
Listen to your heart
The first step to take is to get in touch with your self, canceling all external influences and acquiring a full awareness that allows you to perceive your real desires.
The heart knows the way to go. People who lean towards rationalizing all aspects of their life struggle to follow what their heart suggests. Too often we prefer to listen to the brain, analyzing the pros and cons of each situation and ending up losing sight of the emotional drive that should animate any choice.
Choosing rationally can be useful in minimizing risks, but it often leads to unhappiness.
It is therefore essential to try to listen to your inner voice and let yourself be guided by it: there are many who argue that the soul already contains the answers you are looking for, while any problem arises from deciding whether or not you want to listen to it. own conscience.
The world is full of people who have had the courage to make important choices, sometimes going against everything and everyone, but most of these people have a smile on their face, the smile of listening to their heart and nothing else.
Listen to the insights
In addition to the heart, there is a component of one’s personality that is particularly useful for making a decision, and it is called intuition.
Intuition offers information and ideas that can be exploited for further reflection. For example, in front of an unknown person, there is almost always a tendency to mature an immediate and spontaneous judgment, or rather an impression, which comes from within, and which should always be listened to, asking for example questions such as “I am sure / to want to know this person? “.
It is also particularly useful to pay attention to one’s physical reactions: how does our body behave in front of this person? Is it tense and tends to contract or, on the contrary, is it relaxed and relaxed?
Set a goal
You need to get to focus on your goal, perhaps writing it in black and white and drawing up a plan to achieve it. A good exercise could be to write a kind of story, which exposes the stages and all the details to reach the goal, trying to be as concrete as possible, almost like pretending that everything had already been accomplished.
Make a list of priorities
Before exposing your choice to other people, it is useful to draw up a list of all the arguments that justify it in your eyes, in this way you will have a hierarchy that includes your primary need (for example to earn more) and the most marginal ones. (for example the proximity of the workplace): if the former is non-negotiable, the marginal ones may be subject to change. By making a similar distinction, a choice can be made in a more conscious and less traumatic way.
To make important choices, everyone is called to determine what are the things that prevent him from being happy and secondly to implement the right strategies to remove these barriers. Even if the final goal consists in eliminating those external factors that prevent us from living peacefully, change always starts from the inside, for this reason a change in the way of acting, thinking and in the way in which reality is conceived is necessary. events.
Analyze pros and cons
Following the heart does not mean completely neglecting the rational aspect of a choice. It is important to evaluate the possible consequences, perhaps writing in black and white the pros and cons and their effects. Some people find it very useful to visualize all the possible consequences in a concrete way.
Sometimes you might realize that the obstacles and difficulties outweigh any benefits of a particular choice, while at other times the most hindered decision is the one that can really make a difference.
Although the choice must be almost exclusively the result of deep and personal reflection, it may be useful to share it with trusted people, friends and / or family, who in many cases can provide sincere and constructive advice.
In communicating your decision to third parties, it is good to declare your primary need immediately, in order to inform everyone about your priorities. The next step is to invite the interlocutor to dialogue, asking for an opinion and listening to his considerations. The goal is to reach a consensus and not a compromise, which would underestimate the desire of one in favor of another.
Take life by the reins
One way to avoid wrong choices is to stay consistent with your visions and feelings, without ever being overwhelmed by events and, indeed, learning to dominate them by turning them in your favor.
The decisions we make reflect who we are: this is why making a decision in the wake of various advice or pressures would be tantamount to betraying one’s self and would almost certainly end up with negative consequences.
To act, it is necessary to overcome any fear, doubt or inhibition, by effectively converging one’s aspirations into a concrete action plan.
A practical and very useful exercise is to visualize yourself in the act of convincing a potential employer about your abilities, in a dialogue in which you can be particularly brilliant. In visualizing this situation, it is necessary to pretend to be watching the scene of a film, enjoying the success and the feeling of well-being that derives from it.
Avoid rash decisions
Following the heart and intuition does not mean making rash decisions, this is because very often one is prey to emotions that alter one’s judgment and lead to making bad choices, dictated for example by anger, frustration, excitement, etc.
Each choice should be made in a moment of calm, in which one is able to reflect clearly and serenely.
The stress of everyday life sometimes leads to overthinking and losing sight of important goals, giving too much space to irrelevant details. It is important to distinguish what really deserves reflection and what instead does nothing but pollute one’s mind, clouding it and overloading it with negative tensions.
Tips for choosing serenely
- You don’t always make the right choice, but you don’t have to be demoralized for this. On the contrary, one must learn from one’s mistakes.
- Listening to the opinions of others is fine, but in any case the final decision must be taken in total autonomy and awareness.
- Whatever the choice made, remember that it will not determine the entire course of life. In case you change your mind, you can always find a way to fix it.