When you find yourself in difficulty, do you tend not to ask the people around you for help because you are afraid of disturbing them or receiving rejection? If so, this article is for you.
Experiencing situations in which we are able to master difficulties and overcome them allows us to experience a feeling of pride and satisfaction and to acquire a sense of mastery and effectiveness fundamental for the growth of our self-esteem.
However, when the tendency to fend for ourselves becomes the rule that determines the way we relate to others, it ends up depriving us of the healthy and adaptive possibility to ask for support (emotional or material) from others when we need it. In these cases, we can feel tremendously not understood and alone or we can experience levels of stress that compromise our psycho-physical well-being.
Individuals who find it difficult to ask for help tend to think, consciously or not, that if they asked others to be helped and supported they would end up weighing them down, making them suffer or push them away. In other cases, they may fear that they will be rejected and/or be considered weak, frail, and incapable. For this reason, they tend to strenuously commit themselves to face the difficulties of life without ever giving up, they tend to take on the weight (material and emotional) of situations, engaging in super-heroic feats that are objectively unsustainable for a single person, and they tend to plan every moment meticulously of one’s life without ever being able to stop thinking about what to do and, thus, without ever being able to relax.
Typically, when these strategies work, these people experience a sense of personal complacency that seems to pay off all the hard work. On the contrary, when these strategies fail, i.e. the person is unable to manage everything he would like and how he would like, he ends up feeling exhausted, frustrated, misunderstood, and experiencing a sense of solitude without a solution because, even in those cases, asking for help. it is considered dangerous.
A psychotherapist or psychologist can help you understand the origin of this difficulty, work with it, and overcome it, in order to regain the right to express an important and vital need. Don’t go it alone, ask for help!