We mostly live in the illusion that other people, external events and circumstances trigger the feelings we feel. If our husband or wife are in a bad mood when they wake up, then we too will get depressed. If we receive a compliment, we are happy, while a criticism makes us feel on the ground or makes us angry. If we get stuck in traffic, we get nervous. We often live our feelings and our mood as if it were something caused by external events, be it other people or something that happens to us. This perception leads us to hold others or fate responsible for our problems and our mood. We think that our moodiness is due to the unfaithful partner, the moody director, menopause, the weather, the broken car and so on. In reality, we ourselves are responsible for our mood and of course also for our decisions, two things that, on closer inspection, are closely related.
Ultimately, it is our job to decide how to behave and what opinion we create about what happens to us. So instead of feeling like they’ve done us a wrong, we might also be happy that our partner is enjoying some erotic change. The changes in mood of the director could also trigger a sense of compassion. A woman could welcome menopause as an exciting transformation phase. We could learn to accept the weather and see the broken car as an opportunity to make more movement and / or to buy a better one. Each of these things could be the starting point for a good exercise of patience and tranquility.
Maybe all this will seem a little absurd, almost esoteric: who could in fact imagine himself as totally independent from external events? I don’t think it’s possible either. There is probably no one who is absolutely invulnerable to the behavior of his fellow men and to the misfortunes that occur to him, however much he may reflect and meditate on himself in the course of his life. However, compared to what is commonly believed, we have much more room for maneuver and many more possibilities to redefine our feelings, thoughts, moods and actions.
I would like to ask you to reflect on the areas of life for which you delegate your responsibilities: in which areas do you think someone else should change to make you feel better? To what extent do you think you are dependent and influenced by external circumstances, or at the mercy of your mood and your mood? Your Adult Self probably has some ideas on how it could improve the situation or mood by taking responsibility for it. For example, the adult knows that it would be better to change jobs, or, if this is not possible, to change one’s attitude towards work. The adult knows that it does not make much sense to wait for the partner to change and that it would be much more intelligent to accept it as it is. Or he knows he could change his behavior towards his partner to improve the quality of the relationship. But maybe he also knows that it would be better to leave the partner. Maybe you’re single and waiting for the right person to knock on your door? But be careful: it is a hope of the Shadow Child. Instead, your inner adult knows that you have to actively seek.
Try to find an attitude that allows you to be responsible for your happiness, and to be one hundred percent. Do not wait for others to change or “something” to happen, but instead take your life in hand and change what you want to change.