Communication between humans is always imperfect. Expressing ourselves in a completely precise way is impossible, especially when we talk about emotions and feelings. It is much easier to communicate ideas, rather than feelings. This happens because we are more used to it, and because it involves us much less. Here is one of the reasons why it is often easier to maintain professional relationships, compared to personal ones.
However, we can try to improve our communication skills. It is really worth doing it: this change, in fact, will have an extremely positive impact on our interpersonal relationships, which are mainly based on verbal interaction. Both when our relationships are successful and when we run into a problem, the reason lies largely in the way we use words.
“I distrust incommunicability: it is the source of all forms of violence.”-Jean Paul Sartre-
By learning to express yourself better, you will be able to avoid many conflicts. How many times do problems in a relationship arise precisely from something we have said, that we have not said, or that we have said the wrong way? It is important to learn to manifest both our affection and our disappointment, because we learn from everything. Today we want to share some strategies with you to learn how to express yourself better.
Strategies to express yourself better
Talking is important, don’t shut up
Several studies agree in stressing that unspoken, unmanifested and repressed negative feelings can make us feel bad. Being silent to avoid a conflict or for fear of what others think is never a good idea. What we do not say acquires more and more power and conditions our way of acting, very often without a real reason.
But it is not only important to learn to speak when we experience negative emotion. Many people are also reluctant to share positive emotions. They feel stupid or too sweet. Perhaps exceeding in this sense may be honeyed, of course, but if we never show our affection or our approval, we will transmit to the others a feeling of great coldness.
Don’t say what you don’t really feel
Even if there are real experts in the art of lying, when we say something that we don’t really feel, usually those around us perceive our lack of sincerity. Sometimes we don’t do it on purpose, but when we communicate in an unclear way, we always create a certain malaise around us, a subtle refusal.
We often lie about our feelings in order to please others, not to hurt or manipulate them. But this, instead of fueling a relationship, deteriorates it. Falsehood ends up breaking ties between people or prevents it from improving in terms of depth and trust.
Learn to split emotions
Very often we don’t know how to express what we feel because we don’t know it precisely. How often do we experience unclear emotions or feelings? Or a set of sensations that blend and mix with each other? We must not try to give a generic name to what we feel. It is worth trying and identifying our feelings more precisely.
An effective way to do this is to try to separate the individual emotions that are found in that confused lump we feel. Try to separate all the parts that make it up. If you succeed, everything will be clearer and you will also be able to express it more appropriately.
Turn anger into words
Out of control anger is one of the main enemies of productive communication. When we are in a state of agitation, we think and say many things that only contribute to the deterioration of the relationship. The way out, however, is not to deny that anger, repress it or let it calm down. In fact, anger is one of the emotions that needs to be transformed into words to be processed.
Instead, you need to learn to express yourself better when you suspect that the anger is still so strong that you can take control of what you are about to say. At that moment it is important to keep quiet and wait for the tension to subside. When we say something while we are angry, usually the person in front of us tends not to listen to us: in fact, the first reaction to verbal aggression is disconnection. For this reason, the tone of voice and attitude are often more important than the content of the message: the latter is useless if it does not reach the recipient.
After we have calmed down, we must speak and manifest the reason for our anger. It is important to strive to express ourselves clearly and precisely. Do not hide anything, but always maintain self-control. In this way, they will listen to you more, and your interlocutor will give the topic the attention it deserves.
It is always worth working to learn how to express yourself better. Those who develop this ability will almost certainly be able to build better relationships with others, both personally and at work. It is not that difficult. It is only the result of constant effort and conscious and precise exercise.